Weird Spring Shoes

Oh, man, let’s hope these shoes don’t catch on. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I’m not a fan of fuzzy footwear until it’s a comfy slipper than never leaves the house. But it looks like the designers behind Céline feel otherwise.

Céline is known for minimalist clothing and accessories, but they went in a very different direction with their footwear at the Spring 2013 show. From fuzzy heels to foot-shaped pumps to slip-on sandals I could picture by the pool at a retirement community, all of the shoes were on the weird side and none of it went with the brand’s aesthetic.

The weirdness started off with the fuzzy heels. They had all of the fluff of your bedroom slippers with all of the discomfort of your high heels: it’s the worst of both worlds! The furry shoes came in bright colors that took inspiration from Sesame Street, like Big Bird-yellow, Elmo-red, Zoe-peach, and a white/gray/lavender that kind of channels Fraggle Rock’s Mokey. These shoes actually look like they belong on a puppet’s fuzzy feet. There’s a choice of heel: you can choose one covered in fuzzy, nude-colored material, or you can keep it understated (as understated as possible in a furry shoe) with a plain stiletto. If you already have large feet, keep in mind that the puffy material will make them look gigantic.

Most of us are still coming to terms with the ugliness of toe shoes (the trendy, glove-like running shoe that gives the feeling of being barefoot), but now Céline has come out with a shoe that looks like a foot. Your toes aren’t separated like in toe shoes, but there appears to be separate toes on the outside of the shoe. The fake toenails are painted a very trendy dark red, which is probably a good thing, because you can’t change the color like you can on real toenails. They were shown in a light skin tone; no word on whether they will come in other colors. But hey, if you’re already weird enough to wear a shoe that looks like a foot, will it be that much of a stretch for them not to match your leg?

I should mention that these foot-shoes have a stacked wooden heel, so it looks like the foot is stuck in a Barbie-like position. Maybe they should have had a clear Lucite heel to really make them Barbie-like, it might have made the shoes slightly less strange. While these shoes are definitely the least ugly from Céline’s show, and by far the most wearable in real life, I don’t think I’d want to wear shoes just to look like I’m not wearing shoes. If I look like I’m barefoot, it’s because I really am barefoot (and comfy).

Then there are the sandals. The Huffington Post compares them to Adidas slip-on sandals, while Jezebel finds them similar to Birkenstocks. They all had a bit of faux fur on them, some on the upper portion and some on the insole. One even had fuzzy material on the insole with a bejeweled upper portion. Others just had leather uppers. No matter what the combination, they were hideous.

Let’s all cross our toes (that are moveable, unlike the ones on the shoes) that this footwear doesn’t take off as a trend.