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Your lifestyle, your quirk
Maybe it’s just me, but if I had been the date of the heckler at Russell Brand’s last show, I would have politely excused myself to the bathroom and crawled out the window to escape. When the heckler, we’ll call J.A. (for, you know, “just anybody”), would not relent over shouting out references to Katy Perry during Brand’s stand-up show last Saturday in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Brand decided he’d had enough and taught the rude audience member a little lesson.
Brand was primed and ready for attack, having already riled himself up during his bit about “God Save the Queen!” and the British royal family. When the unlucky heckler shouted his one-too-many Perry comment, Brand broke his stride, stopped his joke, and directly addressed J.A. “What, mate?” Russell asked sweetly, showing no sign of what was to come.
He proceeded to ask the stagehands to shine a light on the heckler so he could address him personally. "I want to see what this person looks like, turn the lights on for me because I really want to achieve some sort of confirmation. Let's have a look ... Come here, let's see you. Let's see how your mental illness looks in the daylight."
The audience could feel the attack coming and excitedly pointed J.A. out. "It's you, is it?” Russell began. “Oh, dear. I was hoping that your personality was just a result of physical beauty. But then I saw you."
Russell had the entire audience on his side, as they laughed and cheered him on.
"I thought, 'This guy's confident, probably, because he's incredibly handsome,' but look at you. You look like somebody who's fallen off the outside of a church," Russell continued.
"And what is it that you have rattling around your mind, some bizarre combination of alcohol and idiocy ... some cocktail of nothing. And yet the confidence to continue shouting. They say of course, don't they, that empty vessels make the most noise. What an enormous echo of nothingness from you."
Is anyone else impressed by Russell’s surprisingly verbose yet articulate vocabulary? Hang in there – it gets better.
"I know on some level, despite your physical appearance to an ape, that you're a human being," Russell continued. "I think silence is your friend. I think keep your lips firmly, firmly clamped together. Because everything that comes out of your mouth, from your idiotic announcements to your disgusting halitosis that's coming through this room, is an abomination."
Russell went on to call the heckler a series of creative adjectives, including commenting that he had “dirty teeth” and “beer-stained sperm.”
The verbal attack was ended with Russell saying, “I know you’re beautiful somewhere inside you. Stay quiet. Help us maintain the illusion.”
I think it’s safe to say it may be awhile before someone has the gall to heckle Russell again.