Don’t Mess with Actors

There’s an important lesson that burglars need to learn: If you must break into a house, make sure it doesn’t belong to a burly celebrity.

LL Cool J was sleeping upstairs in his Los Angeles home in the wee hours of the morning on August 22 when an intruder tripped an alarm. The rapper/actor (who currently stars on NCIS: Los Angeles) found the intruder and took him down. One of LL’s children called police to say that her father had subdued an intruder in their home and was holding him, according to Entertainment Weekly. The burglar, 56-year-old Jonathan A. Kirby, was hospitalized with a broken nose, jaw, and ribs (did LL’s mama tell him to knock Kirby out?). Kirby has previous felony convictions, so he is being treated as a “third striker” and could face 38 years to life in prison. He is being held on $1.1 million bail, which he probably won’t be able to produce, seeing as ABC News describes him as a transient. If you have been living under a rock and have never seen LL Cool J, he is a very buff man. You don’t mess with someone who has that level of muscles.

Speaking of muscles, three armed burglars realized they chose the wrong house to mess with when they realized who lived there in 2009. The three masked men broke into a home in Marbella, Spain, in an exclusive area where Simon Cowell and Antonio Banderas have residences. The thieves tied up the woman they found in the house, threatened her, and demanded cash and jewelry. They were searching the house for valuables when one of the robbers spotted a familiar face in one of the family photos – Dolph Lundgren. Recognizing the hulking 6’5” actor/karate enthusiast/genius from films such as Rocky IV and The Expendables, the robbers decided to flee before he could come home and presumably pound them into a pulp.

It was a smart move; Lundgren has a black belt in karate, and even in his 50s, he works out six days a week. His wife, jewelry designer Anetter Qviberg, is described as “Dolph’s angel and anyone who is messing with her is messing with him,” according to an insider at the Daily Mail. Not wanting to end up like Apollo Creed at the hands of Ivan Drago (Lundgren’s character in Rocky IV), the thieves fled. Because the burglars wore balaclavas, they couldn’t be identified and are still at large, but they probably won’t be trying to steal from Lundgren’s home anymore. Lundgren wasn’t home, but at least his threatening presence was felt through that photograph.

While it may be tempting to steal from celebrities’ homes, it would probably be best to do it when no one is home or to not do it at all. Just ask these burglars foiled by celebrities.