Want To See Tom Cruise Shirtless? Me Either

Okay, first it was Kelsey Grammar and his embarrassing (well, I was embarrassed for him) hip tattoo, and now it’s Tom Cruise donning guy liner and painted-on abs pretending to be a rock star. Why are Hollywood’s aging stars all going through identity crises at the same time? I would suggest “mid-life crisis,” but unless they live into their hundreds, that is not the case.

Don’t get me wrong, Tom Cruise was hunkerific back in the day and a great actor to boot. Heck, he’s still a good actor, so what is he doing in a movie like Rock of Ages costarring with Julianne Hough and Russell Brand? No offense to them, but they are not exactly blockbuster movie caliber. Besides, shouldn’t it be Liam Hemsworth or some other young hunk in there starring shirtless?

The latest photo shoots for the film reveal the 49-year-old actor shirtless and surrounding by women in itty-bitty bikinis – one of which who is sticking her hand down his pants – sporting a handful of giant fake tattoos all over his body. My personal favorites are the pistols on his stomach pointing down toward his crotch. Really? Ew.

“I knew we had to push the sexuality because of the nature of the character and the songs. He’s singing, ‘I want to know what love is.’” Cruise has said.

Cruise’ character, Stacee Jaxx, is the stereotypical ’80s hair band rocker. He’s all about screeching songs with catchy choruses into the microphone, trading ladies like a 10-year-old with baseball cards, and burning out on drugs. For perspective, keep in mind that the movie covers songs by Guns n’ Roses, Def Leppard, Journey, Joan Jett, and Twisted Sister, among others.

“Taking classic, beloved rock anthems and seeing them through the unique perspective of the characters in the film was such an exciting prospect for me in directing Rock of Ages,” said Rock of Ages director Adam Shankman. “We had a phenomenal cast who performed these songs in such a powerful way — adding depth and meaningful imagery to the film. I was lucky to have a partner in Adam Anders who, better than anyone working today, understands how to take popular songs and seamlessly repurpose them to tell a story with unparalleled originality and success.”

If you’re intrigued enough to want to see a lot of make-up enhanced abs on Katie Holmes’ husband, Rock of Ages will be in theaters June 5. I may go just out of curiosity to hear Cruise sing.