Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness: Are They One and the Same?

If there’s one thing the blogosphere needs, it’s another self-professed relationship expert or another contributor in wedded bliss. Do you really need someone else reassuring you that you, too, will one day find your prince or princess (it’s just a matter of being patient)? Do you really need advice along the lines of “ you must believe in happenstance coffee shop encounters or the power of witty repartee to unlock someone’s deep-seated affections.”?

Well, for all you not-so-secret hopeless romantics, cynics, and relationship moderates searching for one of those, you won’t find it here. Don’t worry, I think there’s a salt for every pepper, yin for yang, or whatever else people say to indicate pairs. And I love a classic romance as much as any woman in the throes of hormonal imbalance. But what I’m not sure I can get behind is living for love instead of with it. 

Life is full of love. I don’t mean chocolates on Valentine’s Day or skywriting marriage proposal love. There’s love in a life full of endorphins after you finish exercising, excitement after reconnecting with an old friend, satisfaction that family time was more fun than you anticipated, or overall acceptance of the fact that recreational hoarding isn’t the most constructive pastime you’ve ever developed.

The Constitution grants us in the U.S. the freedom to live a life in “the pursuit of happiness.” While you can find happiness in meeting your one and only, are marriages or relationships testaments to a life spent pursuing them? I tend to think not.

Instead of going to the gym or park or benefit to scope out husband/wife material, go because you feel strong when you work out, better with some fresh air, or content in helping a good cause. The best relationships come out of you looking for you, not someone else. By that, I mean by pursuing and developing your own interests, you can ensure that you are your happiest self, and those who exude happiness tend to find others who do the very same.

This seemingly devil-may-care approach to scoring a mate doesn’t mean that relationships are without work, or that there isn’t a time and a place to reveal romantic emotions. I guess I’m just urging women to be happy with themselves before trying to be happy with someone else. While you’ll often find that the latter is harder, neither are without their imperfections. 

But don’t be nervous – loving imperfection, whether it’s your own or someone else’s, seems like a pretty perfect outlook.