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The most interesting aspect of this December 21 “End of the World” thing is just how vague it is. The calendar just sort of stops. There is nothing there to tell us that the world is ending, per se, but there is nothing that says it isn’t. And of course, doomsday freaks want to jump on this and just sort of run with it, even if it takes them nowhere (which these prophecies often do) but let's humor them for a second.
What if The End is Nigh? How will it all go down? Well, hypothetically speaking, here are five horrible ways we could all be killed in a few days. So take off your clothes, crack a beer, and read this list. Why naked and drunk? Because it’s the end of the world, duh. Might as well live it up.
We all laugh about zombies, but in the same breath, some of us kind of think a zombie invasion would be cool. I mean, so many people are already mindless drones, so how would it be any different. While the reality of zombies seems implausible, there are enough diseases and parasites in the animal kingdom that do the same thing, so why not us?
Don't believe me? Go Google “parasite zombie ants” and wrap your head in some cloth, because it WILL blow your mind, and if we have learned anything from zombie movies, it’s that blown minds can be messy.
Your roommate is sick of you leaving your coffee grinds in the kitchen.
Look, politics aside, it’s not all that far-fetched that someone, somewhere, must have some missiles aimed at us. No,
I’m not looking at the situation in the Middle East; I’m just talking about some weird guy who bought some plutonium and is making bombs and missiles. Dude could be living next door to you and you wouldn't even know it. All it takes is one bomb or missile, and we are at war, and safe to say, an epic, world-shattering war at that.
Listen, the sun is old, and much in the same way that old people's joints act up, the sun has some solar flares. While they can be massive, they never affect our world, but that is not to say that they can’t. There could be a solar flare so large that it would wipe out most of the planet without any warning. I know it is a grim thought, and the chance of it happening on December 21st of this year is slim at best, but regardless, implausible does not mean impossible. Hey, at least you get a quick tan before the end. People in Jersey must not be so afraid of this one, come to think of it.
“Meet your fellow apocalyptic survivors.”
All right, being someone who just survived Hurricane Sandy, I can tell you, super storms did not exist 20 years ago. No, really, they didn't. They are a result of our modern world and the toll we have taken on it, and the world has slowly been striking back. If you saw the radar of Sandy, she looked about a fifth of the size of the entire U.S. Now imagine a storm larger than Sandy. Let's say five times her size. Do you see where we are going with this? Take the devastation in New York and New Jersey from Hurricane Sandy, and imagine that at ten times the scale, across the whole map. We would be the next Atlantis. I live in the Northeast, so it is safe to say I'd be getting washed away, and Cali would be going bye-bye, too. Scary stuff.
This is everyone’s favorite theory. Not favorite in the sense that we want it in any way, but favorite in the sense that it is what we envision when we talk about The End of the World. We imagine a big rock hurtling through space and smashing into us, obliterating us in a massive flash.
The thing is, this one is not that out-there of a theory. Massive meteors have hit the Earth before, and as you can see from Siberia, even when a tiny meteor hits, the devastation is on a massive scale. And scientists say that just based on statistics, we are due for another impact any day now.
Think of how ironic that would be, looking up at the sky on December 21st, only to see a massive meteor careening toward this rock we call home. It would hit and decimate everything before you even had a chance to say,“ Oh, what the fu...”
So you better go tell your wife you love her, call your best friend and apologize for the twenty bucks you never paid back, and hug your parents, because who knows what could happen in just a few short days. (Probably nothing, but hug your parents anyway.)
Boom goes the dynamite.