Boy Ruins Computers; Gadget Fiends Cringe

I figure you guys have all seen that Will it Blend? show on YouTube, where the hosts throw various expensive-looking pieces of equipment into a blender to see what happens. Watching it always makes me cringe – dude, I’ll take that iPhone if all you’re going to do is destroy it – but I am happy to say the blender guys, as I affectionately call them, have been displaced as the Lords of Destroying Machinery. How?

A kid in Pennsylvania decided to hose off a pile of Macbooks.

I can’t make this stuff up. I also can’t figure out an appropriate “yellow snow” joke that fits in with computers, but readers, know that I tried.

The computers were declared a $36,000 loss. How much is the average Macbook these days? I see some older ones for just under 700, some fancy ones for 1600+ on the Apple site...okay, let’s say they were thousand-dollar machines. That’s 36 thousand-dollar machines that someone just left sitting on a cart in the middle of a school hallway, which kind of screams irresponsible to me...but then again, I guess you don’t expect someone to just come along and take a whiz on your machinery.

This also makes me wonder just how long this kid waited to take a leak. Let’s say there’s 36 computers sitting in a pile. How do you manage to ruin all of them? That’s an impressive bladder he’s got there. How much soda did he drink beforehand? Was this premeditated, or is it the result of a teacher refusing to give him a bathroom pass and the kid taking his just revenge?

(I have no tolerance for teachers who are stingy with the bathroom pass, by the way. When you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO.)

While I’m desperately curious to find out the full story, my gadget-loving self had to cringe at the thought of all those machines utterly ruined. I like pretty much any kind of computer, and being that mine are my livelihood and my connection to the outside world during my workdays, I can’t help but side-eye this kid. I mean, who does that? Really, who does that?

When things like this happen, I inevitably end up imagining what would happen if it were me in that position. If I came across a child taking a leak on one of my computers...first off, that would be odd, because there are no children in my apartment, so of course I would be wondering how the little creeper got in. Once that was figured out, I’d likely donate the child to my local volcano god.

Ultimately, I’m really curious about the kid’s side of the story. What made him stumble across that pile of Macbooks and think, “YES! That shall be my new toilet!”

We may never know.