My Life as a Slider

Hi, my name is Suz, and I destroy things.

Hi, Suz.

Electrical and mechanical equipment doesn’t stand a chance around me. Within a seven-day span, I ended up with a busted fridge, a busted toilet, a busted smoke alarm, and worst of all, a busted computer.

Yes, I ranked a busted computer over a busted toilet. I’m a freelance writer. I can use my neighbor’s bathroom, but I can’t do much without my machine.

“Maybe you’re a slider!” Leo said.

Visions of Jerry O’Connell danced in my head as I excitedly contemplated the possibility of being able to travel between dimensions with a handsome sidekick.

“Is that some kind of baseball pitch?” another coworker asked.

No. Apparently sliders just do weird stuff to electricity. I’m not sure if I find that more or less exciting.

(I’m all for it, as long as Jerry O’Connell is still involved. Actually, I bet Jerry O’Connell could fix my computer.)

So there I sat on Monday afternoon, bogged down by deadlines, my big desktop machine fritzing out at me. I’d never seen this sort of crash before; it would be running along fine, then abruptly hang up and try to restart itself. There didn’t seem to be any specific trigger point. Everything still displayed correctly, so it didn’t strike me as the video card. Hard drive, perhaps?

The thing was still under warranty, but I wasn’t keen on shipping it off and then losing track of it for weeks on end. I was able to complete most of my duties on my laptop, but the thing tends to run hot, and the fan had been getting louder and louder.

Hmm. On a whim, I turned the laptop off, unplugged it, flipped it over, and pulled off some of the back panels to clear out the dust buildup. Once I turned it back on, the thing ran much more quietly.

Hmm. I opened up the desktop and cleaned it out, then ran a system restore to a few days prior, just in case.

The machine has worked just fine since then. I have my workhorse back, and I’m also spared the need to go whining to the manufacturer about their defective product. Hooray! I’d do a happy dance, but I don’t want to jinx myself.

I’m a freelance writer. I need my computers to do my work, to communicate with bosses and clients, and to serve as a lifeline to The Outside when I’m glued to my chair, trying to bang out another thousand words before the end of the night. As a result, I’ve learned there’s some things you should do to take care of them. You probably already know these, but we’ll reiterate, just in case:

·         Keep your antivirus software up to date

·         Run a disk scan occasionally to make sure your hard drive is in good shape

·         Run a full virus scan once a week

·         Clean your mouse and keyboard. Ever wonder how many germs are lurking there?

·         Don’t download weird stuff if it’s your primary work machine. Treat it like the professional it is.

·         Clean out your damn case. The amount of dust that gets in there is downright freakish and can make your computer overheat.

I still don’t know how all that dust got in there. I have bad allergies, so I’m pretty diligent about vacuuming and keeping my small office tidy…yet even that wasn’t enough.

“Does this mean I’m not a slider anymore?” I wondered aloud when telling a friend about my computer misadventures.

The TV chose that moment to shut down.

Guess that question is answered…