My Life as a Slider

My shipping box arrived yesterday. I am expected to drop it off at a FedEx store, as apparently asking them to pick it up for me isn’t covered. At least, that’s what customer service rep (and I use that term lightly) in India told me.

I guess I could write it off.

I figured that HP, being a gigantic company, would have service centers in California. It’s headquartered here, isn’t it? Lots of businesses and individuals use HP computers. It would make sense to have a local service place.

Nope. I’m shipping the beast off to Indiana.

(“Better that than India,” my mother said. "International shipping's a pain in the rear.")

Am I the only one raising an eyebrow at this? My computer has a warranty and needs a repair, and thus I am obligated to send it away to Indiana?

It just seems so…inconvenient, I guess. I am also expected to include a Product Problem Form, which wants me to list everything that's wrong with the computer, because apparently the techs in Indiana cannot access the case that documents its various problems and the things Harvey the Tech and I did in our efforts to fix it. 

Detailed Description - Describe the problem in detail. (Really? REALLY?)

Computer crashes, I wrote. Sometimes it bluescreens, sometimes it just shuts off.

Steps to Reproduce - Provide the steps necessary to reproduce the problem.

Attempt to use computer. 

I wish I could be more specific. Nothing in particular seems to set it off. I like to assume the HP repairmen have access to all kinds of fun tools. I'm picturing them plugging something into the computer, saying, "Aha! It's THIS!" and then fixing the problem within a day. 

Who am I kidding? I'll be lucky to see that machine in less than a month's time. Maybe I should have caved and bought a new one. 

This is unfortunately the way the world has developed. We don’t want to fix things; corporations make more money when we buy new things, and thus they make it as difficult as possible for us to get our items repaired. Busted computer? Sure, we’ll fix it…after we bounce your phone call all over the place, try to deny your warranty, and then make you wait weeks on end while your product is examined by people a thousand miles away.

I’m guessing about 90 percent of customers with disposable income will give up about halfway through the process and just buy a new machine, muttering “It’s not worth the headache” to Harvey over the phone. These are the ideal customers, of course. Companies don’t want you to fix your machine. They want you to get frustrated with the runaround and buy a new one.

Yes, I’m cynical. I don’t buy that the idiotic way these businesses function is due to their sheer size and genuine miscommunication. And you can bet I’ve saved all my correspondence with HP on this matter. I’ll be sending it off to the CEO as part of a “How to Improve Your Company” missive, which Meg Whitman will probably never, ever read, since she’s too busy laying off 27,000 people.

I’ve adjusted to life without my desktop. Working on websites is a little harder, but I find that I like standing/dancing around in my kitchen, and walking to Starbucks for a change of scenery. I still need to get a new battery for my laptop, although at this point I’m considering going aftermarket with that, as I just don’t want to give HP any more of my hard-earned dollars.

And so my life as a slider goes on. Next week I’ve got a great story for you – this time computers aren’t involved. Oh, no. My next tale of electronic woe deals with…the smoke alarm.

I can’t win.