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Your lifestyle, your quirk
The TGS writers are going crazy because of a huge group of very relaxed, not-so-classy people camped out in front of 30 Rockefeller Plaza waiting for Jenna’s appearance on The Today Show. They’re all fans of Jenna’s latest single, a Jimmy Buffet rip-off called “Crab Catchers” that’s about doing trashy things on vacation like getting so sunburned that your skin scabs over, and catching crabs (both ways). Her fans call themselves Crab Catchers and behave much like you would expect to behave at a Jimmy Buffet concert. They all have a vacation mentality and their motto is “unwindulax” (they seem to like making up words by combining other words.) There are a couple of cameos in the Crab Catchers: Gary Cole plays a relaxed guy with a frozen drink, Amy Sedaris plays a woman with a seatbelt tattoo across her chest. There’s a reason behind it – it’s so that she doesn’t get pulled over when she’s driving topless.
The writers of TGS soon realize that Jenna is pretending to be relaxed and trashy, or as Frank puts it, “Island Jenna,” to fit in with her fans. When Cole’s character meets Jenna on an NBC tour, he accidentally spills his drink on her. She begins to throw a tantrum, as she would usually do, but realizes that she has to keep her cool to appeal to the fans. The writers decide that they have to use this to their advantage. They show up to one of her autograph signings to show her that Cerie is wearing the same top as she is but as a dress, using a baby’s necktie as a belt. They also ask her to sign a bunch of her pre-nose job headshots so that they can sell them online, then Lutz asks to cut her hair. Jenna is forced to comply because her fans are around.
Jenna confronts the writers in the privacy of an office and can finally show her usual diva side. She threatens to use her Crab Catcher army on them if they aren’t nice to her. She could keep them out of Florida (where most of her fans live), which poses a problem for Frank’s plan to judge Miss Nude Divorcée in Tampa on Christmas Eve and for Lutz’s plan to go to MGM Studios.
In the other storyline, Jack has an extra ticket to a Republican fundraising luncheon because the woman he is seeing is unable to go. He asks Liz to go as his chum…if she can keep her liberal opinions to herself. She agrees at the promise of free shrimp. Though she tries to keep quiet as the wealthy older men discuss why they feel they earned their trust funds and badmouth Democrats, she soon bursts and tells everyone off. Her arguments don’t make sense, like that Republicans are hypocrites for supporting the death penalty while killing animals for meat. Jack uses her as an example of the Democrats who could run the country for the next four years if Republicans aren’t elected, and everyone in the room starts to make generous donations to prevent that.
Liz realizes that Jack intended for her to rant about politics the entire time. Jack explains that he took her as his “chum” in the “bait for larger fish” sense of the word, not the term for friend. He knew that everyone in the room would be united if they had a common enemy, so he had to bring an outspoken Democrat. The more she talks, the more a nearby luncheon attendee donates to Jack to support the Republican cause. Liz announces that ideas are more valuable than money while Jack laughs. Liz announces that she will spread her political message through TGS while Jack tries to raise money.
Liz tells the writers that she wants to take a political stand on the show, but Frank feels that they’ve already been too hard on Mitt Romney (or Baseball Mitt Romney, as the character is known on TGS). Liz decides that they need to find a hot young celebrity to appear on the show and talk about it, so Lutz suggests his visiting grandnephew, Twilight’s Kellan Lutz. Liz accuses him of lying, but Kellan Lutz emerges from Lutz’s office to sit on his great-uncle’s lap and be fed marsh-MAH-llows (the two Lutzes put the emphasis on the wrong syllable and behave very strangely). Kellan appears on TGS to deliver a political monologue, but the audience screams so loud with excitement that no one can hear his message. When one audience member yells “Take it off,” he begins stripping.
Jack meets with Mitt Romney’s son, Garrett. The young Romney tells Jack that money isn’t the issue now, ideas are. Jack is still not convinced. Jack, Romney, a token silent female, and other Republicans begin to look at strategy and the states that can be counted on to vote Republican. Tracey visits Liz (whom he calls Lisa Loeb, I hope I’m not the only one to get that), and they discuss the election. Tracey understands voters all over the country because of his time doing a stand-up comedy tour. Both Jack and the Republicans and Tracey and Liz come to the conclusion that people in northern Florida will decide the election. The means people like Jenna’s Crab Catchers. Both Liz and Jack rush off to get to Jenna first in hopes of influencing her so that she will influence her fans.
Frank and Lutz plan to release a video of Jenna throwing tantrums, but Peter destroys it. Though he has been the most stressed out of all of the writers, Peter was taken into the group when he went to yell at them. Soon he had a frozen drink, a deck chair, and a massage, so he’s now a fan of the Crab Catchers.
This episode is to be continued, so we’ll have to see who gets to Jenna first and whether Kellan Lutz fills his stomach with marsh-MAH-llows.