Backfiring Fireworks

Fireworks need to be handled with caution, but often the cautious people leave fireworks alone, while the thrill-seekers set out to create some explosions. This leads to facepalm-worthy stories for the rest of us. I’ve rooted around for the top cringe-worthy fireworks stories this summer has brought us:

A 23-year-old Australian man decided to entertain fellow party guests by igniting some fireworks on July 28th. Setting them off on the ground was too mainstream, so this daredevil chose to light a firework while it was in between his butt cheeks. As you can guess, he sustained severe burns to his back, buttocks, and “private bits,” as Northern Territory Police Sergeant Garry Smith put it. Paramedics were called, but somehow the charred man had managed to get himself to the hospital already. I can only assume he didn’t drive himself since I can’t see how he would be able to sit in the driver’s seat, plus he was reportedly intoxicated.

He may need to be flown to a burn unit in Adelaide, but his problems don’t end there. It is only legal to set off fireworks on Territory Day, July 1^st. Setting off fireworks on any other day carries a $282 fine, which he may still be charged. My favorite party of this story is that this all occurred just outside of Darwin, Australia, which shares its name with the father of the theory of natural selection. Clearly this fellow with a singed butt has indicated he doesn’t have the top genetic matter in the gene pool.

On July 4^th, what was supposed to be a 20-minute long firework extravaganza ended up being 15 seconds long. San Diego’s Big Bay Boom ended up being just that, one big boom. Five minutes before the show was scheduled to start, all of the fireworks were suddenly set off at the same time. One witness interviewed by ABC 7 said that it was “pretty intense” and described the scene as if all of the fireworks were set off in a blender. The company that was hired to run the fireworks show said that it was a technical glitch and is still trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.

YouTube is full of videos of teenagers doing dumb things with fireworks, including filling a bathtub with them, but it’s best not to encourage copycats by giving the videos more views. At least teenagers have their developing prefrontal cortex to blame; the adults behind these two mishaps just made some bad decisions or didn’t execute a show properly.

Editor’s note: Teenagers, unfortunately, aren’t the only ones who do dumb things with fireworks. This guy even made it to Tosh.0. (Warning: language.)