Boobs (or Bras) Save Lives

Sure, bras offer support, but life support? One woman in Brazil survived a gunshot because most of the bullet’s impact was absorbed by a wad of cash she had stored in the left cup of her bra.

In case you’re not storing fat stacks of cash in your underwear, manufacturers are coming out with new bras that you can use to preserve your life. There’s a new trend in underwear made for defending your life, whether it be against the threat of a biological weapon or a gunfight.

In case of an emergency that releases harmful airborne particles into the air, there’s one bra that you can wrap around your nose and mouth as a mask. In fact, since there are two cups, it splits into two masks, so you can share with a less-prepared friend. The Emergency Bra is designed by Elena Bodnar, the president of the Trauma Risk Management Research Institute in Chicago. She was inspired to create it after the Chernobyl nuclear disaster in Ukraine. While it’s not quite a gas mask, it will do in a pinch when there are no specialized protective devices available. Dr. Bodnar won the 2009 Ig Nobel Prize in Public Health for inventing this brassiere. The original EBBra sells for $29.99, and there is now a men’s Emergency Shirt that retails for $75.00.

Many women who choose to carry a handgun for self-defense store it in a purse. Unfortunately, a purse is often the target of a robbery, and besides that, it can take too long to find a gun in a large handbag. According to the Flashbang’s website, “Statistics show that most gunfights last about 2.5 seconds, there are multiple attackers over 80% of the time, and the fight will be in extremely close quarters, usually within touching distance.” That’s why the Flashbang Bra Gun Holster was invented.

The gun is held between the breasts within a Kydex pouch that attaches to the bra in between the cups using a small strap. When the gun’s handle is pulled, the strap will break free. One commenter quoted by Wired says that, “You don’t have to look like Dolly Parton to hide a pistol.” In a demo video, the pistol stays mostly hidden, since even tight t-shirts are held away from the body in that area, but at certain angles and with the wind blowing, the handle of the pistol (which sits below the breast, on top of the ribcage) becomes visible through the shirt. However, if it wasn’t a demo video and you weren’t already looking at the woman’s chest, it might not have been so noticeable.

Still, things could get a little awkward if your date gets to second base before you can warn him or her about your holster. As Wired put it, “If you have to carry a gun, and you have to wear a bra, then this seems as good a way to do it as any…” There are similar holsters that can hold a can of pepper spray or a Taser.

Even average bras have saved lives. The underwire in one Detroit woman’s bra deflected a bullet so it didn’t even break her skin. The 57-year-old was shot during a robbery at her neighbor’s house. She went to her window to see what was going on and a robber shot at her, shattering the window and hitting her bra’s underwire.

On another continent, a 58-year-old woman in Brazil was traveling to her summer home on a bus when armed robbers held it up. Having anticipated such a robbery (which are fairly common in the area), the woman had placed 150 reais (about $74 U.S.) in the left cup of her bra. A shoot-out between police and the robbers resulted in a stray bullet hitting the woman, but the wad of 10 and 20 real notes absorbed most of the impact. She had to have the bullet removed at the hospital, but there was very little damage.

Most ladies have stored a debit card and some cash in their bra, but not a respiratory mask and a weapon. Theoretically, you could attach a holster to your Emergency Bra and be set for just about anything. It should only be a matter of time before someone creates a true bulletproof bra. After all, Kevlar-lined boxer briefs already exist for men in the military.