Everyone Loves a Dumb Criminal

Criminals aren’t necessarily society’s smartest people, but these ones don’t know the importance of discretion. These not-so-sneaky thieves are calling attention to themselves, leaving actual trails to their hideouts, or giving police clear images of their faces.

A lusty couple entered a Walmart to pick up a few things using a five-finger discount, but couldn’t wait to leave the store before they would nearly need to use one of the items. The 22-year-old man and 35-year-old woman stole K-Y Jelly, a sexual lubricant, among other items, but began to fondle each other before they had even left the store. Witnesses noticed that the couple was attempting to get busy right in the store, which called more attention to themselves than if they had just left the store quietly. Apparently it was more than just fondling, because a Municipal Court complaint filed against the pair said that they were engaging in “sexual intercourse or sodomy with any person or animal with knowledge or reasonable anticipation that the participants are being viewed by another.”

The couple was arrested on charged with theft and lewd and lascivious behavior. Maybe they would have gotten away with the theft if they had kept their hands off of each other until they got home.

A Little League snack bar in San Diego was hit by thieves in late May. Police were called after loud noises were heard coming from the snack bar after midnight on a Thursday, not a normal time for Little League snacks to be dispensed. The thieves made it easy for police to find them, leaving a trail of wrappers that lead to the home where inedible stolen items had been stashed. A cash register and other items belonging to the local Little League were found in a bedroom of the house. A man, two women, and a girl were arrested on burglary charges. If the thieves hadn’t been so hungry for Cheetos and chips, or weren’t litterbugs, they might have gone a little bit longer before they were caught.

Security cameras were installed on a footbridge in Davenport, Iowa, to capture any crimes or vandalism. It captured one of those acts when teens decided to steal the cameras in 2008. The thieves didn’t seem to realize that they were revealing their faces to the cameras, which didn’t just record the image to a tape in the camera. Instead of covering the cameras with a cloth or spray painting the lenses, the teens “giddily” stole the devices, according to truTV, sending their images directly to the remote device where they were stored. As of December 2008, police had caught one of the thieves and released still photos of the others to the public.

One of the most important lessons here is not to steal, but if you do, make sure that you don’t get arrested for lewd acts on your way out of the store, and don’t leave extra evidence for police to find. These criminals seem so dumb that if they weren’t caught for these thefts, they would be caught for other burglaries soon enough.