So it’s Official: Mermaids Don’t Exist

Of course, the government WOULD say that mermaids don’t exist, wouldn’t they? The government is all about killing people’s dreams. I’m only partially kidding (even though half of us were hoping the Miami guy was a real zombie, and that turned out not to be true, or so they say), but the U.S. government did issue an official statement asserting that the existence of mermaids is false.

The National Ocean Service regulates coastal and oceanic affairs; they endeavor to protect coastal communities, to promote sustainable practices, and are also generally considered the governmental authority on all oceanic goings-on. Which is why people would listen to their ideas about the existence of mermaids.

Earlier this week, the NOS issued a statement that firmly denied any evidence or possibility that mermaids exist. Why would they even bother to broach the subject, you ask? Well, the Discovery Channel recently featured a show about the fantastical creatures, and apparently included just enough facts to make the show believable. The web page for the show, Mermaids: The Body Found, says it was a show that "paints a wildly convincing picture of the existence of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they've stayed hidden...until now…Mermaids: The Body Found makes a strong case for the existence of the mermaid..."

So many people responded by asking the NOS about the possible existence of mermaids that they felt it necessary to issue a statement to the contrary. "Mermaids -- those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea -- are legendary sea creatures," read the online statement. "Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology -- in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few," it said.

We’ve heard of mermaid tales for years, and I think some of us found hope in the famous red-headed, purple shell-bra wearing beauty with her lobster babysitter and yellow-scaled sidekick, but no one has ever really found hard evidence to suggest that mermaids do suggest.

Some of the oldest examples of mermaids appear in The Odyssey, the story of Odysseus and his seafaring travels. He encounters the Sirens themselves, and since then, many shipwrecks and oceanic mishaps have been blamed on similar creatures. Since the legends are so old, it’s almost understandable why people want to believe so badly, but for all intents and purposes, there aren’t any Ariels swimming under the sea after all.

It may seem a bit funny that a government agency issued a statement over such strange subject matter, but it just goes to show that television greatly impacts people and their opinions. Their dreams have been dashed to pieces now…or have they?

Have a wonderful week, and if you see any mer-women out there, please send me a picture. I’d love to see them!